Monday, May 2, 2011

My little niece engagement...

Yesterday, 1st May, was a special event for the family. My niece and her fiance decided to take the relationship to the next level. They have been going out for eight years. It was a small event. Initially it supposed to be a family affair only, but when you live in a close knit neighborhood, you have to at least invite your immediate neighbors.

The event started at 3.30pm, but as usual, the day was full of activities. In fact, it started a month ago when my oldest niece was busy planning for the day.

The party from the groom-to-be arrived at my sister’s house at 3.40pm. They brought four gifts, which were flowers, chocolate, clothes and the most important items, the rings. Yup, Wan gave two rings to my niece. Nice!
Tepak Sirih - not part of the gift


Bouquet of flowers

Godiva Chocolate

The two rings
In exchange, Dikna gave five gifts. They were cupcake, fruits, sirih junjung, toiletries, bunga rampai. 

Bunga Rampai

Sirih junjung


Cup cake

basket of fruits

The gifts from both parties were put out in the middle of the living room where everybody can see it. Then the men from both sides sat around them to discuss and negotiate on the coming wedding, and how long the engagement will be.

My Bang Ngah was the spokesman from my side, and he was supported by Bang Zahir and my cousin, Zul during this negotiation. At the end of the discussion, the rings were handed to my Bang Ngah. He then passed it around for the rest of the family members to see.

What were they discussing?
FInally it was the event of the day ,"menyarung cincin" where Wan’s mom gave the rings to my niece , and then it was followed by the Special prayer. After the prayer, everybody enjoyed the foods that were ordered specially for the event.

Menyarung cincin

Well it gives my sister one year to prepare for her youngest daughter wedding, but there will be one wedding bu end of the year. It will be the only boy in the my sister's family. Yeah! Let's the preparation starts.


  1. How do the negotiations work? Do some people push for a short engagement, while others drag it out as long as possible? Is a year enough time? Is the wedding a one-day affair or several days?

    I love learning about the differences and similarities!

  2. Actually there are many things that were discussed during engagement like how much is the dowry. During my time it was 5K but now I heard it has gone up. They also discussed about what happened if the engagement didn't ends up with the couple tying the knot. If the girl who breaks it off, all the gifts have to be returned double but if the guy breaks it off, the girl get to keep everything.

    In term of duration, it depends. Normally the couple will already notified their family how long the engagement going to be.

    The wedding itself, normally, it is a three days affair where 2 days will be at the bride's house and 1 day at the groom's house. By the time, the wedding finished, the couple will be too tired!

    After the wedding, the couple is expected to pay visit to all the relatives from both sides but nowadays, no visiting but honeymoon first.

    I will blog about the Malay Wedding Ceremony soon.

  3. I find it fascinating that the couple chooses each other and decides if when to marry, but the family negotiates from there forward.

  4. Jeffe, it is not only a marriage of two people but also the two families.