It's not about Monday blues.

I'm not my usual self today. It's not because of Monday blues but something happened today that triggered this feeling. It is a feeling of guilt where I felt that I have let my parents down especially my father.

Last week, I received a call from my mom informing me that my dad was in hospital for his cancer treatment. When she called, I was busy with my work and informed her that I would call my dad. Unfortunately I forgot and on Friday my mom called again and said my dad was asking for me. Since I was surrounded by my kids who were demanding my attention, I informed her that I will definitely call my dad.

So I gave myself until this morning to call him. On the way to work, I called the fixed line and nobody's pickup the call. I called my mom's mobile and she answered the call. As usual, I will speak to my mom first asking about her health and how's thing before I speak to my dad. My dad has a hearing problem so I had to call his mobile where the volume was set higher.

When I said salam and hello, I can hear that he is very happy. As normal I will asked him about his health as he also has diabetes He said that his treatment has gone very well and his sugar level has improved. As we were talking, he casually informed me that he has doctor's appointment on 15th June and my eldest sister cannot send him as she has other engagement. He asked me whether I can send him on the 15th. I was stunt. Normally, if my eldest cannot send him, he will request one of my brother to send him but not this time. I informed him that I will check my calendar and Insyaallah I can make it. We talked until I reached my office.

As I walked to my office, it striked me that my dad miss me. I was closed to him before I got married and in fact he cried at my wedding. After the reading of Taaliq, I saw him sitting at a corner wiping his eyes. I have not seen him crying at my other sisters wedding.

My mom also said that my father has been asking about me lately and he been sharing his memories about me to my mom. Well my dad will be 80 years old this August and I'm not sure how long he will be with us. His requests, his sharing of his memories about me and his asking about me has really hit me hard. It made me realise that I have become an ungrateful daughter who only think about myself. I promise that I would not become like Si Tanggang.

Dear Abah, I promise to call you as frequent as I can and if you need me to be in Seremban, I will make time. Without you and mom, I would not be a successful person today. Thank you Abah and Mak.